Fall and Rise
by DazzledByEdward88
Summary: When your life is ruined by the one who should love you the most, what's there left in you? Bella was betrayaed by the last person she thought would hurt her, which turned her into a shell or her former self. She built walls around her even to the ones who really love her. Will she give into love and family when she meets the newly moved Cullens? MA. E B. Angst. Not 4 under 18.
1. 1 A Life Ruined

_**Fall and Rise**_

_**Prologue**_

_**A life Ruined**_

_**Chapter Song: A Perfect Circle – Weak and Powerless**_

_**Warning: there will be rape, non-consensual sex, and graphic description of sexual activities. If it's not your cup of tea or if you're under 18, please close the browser.**_

_**~Bella~**_

_It was as if I were in a trance._

I watched as she stared at the flat screen, her eyes shining with mirth and the greed for money she always had, always will have.

It didn't matter that she ruined my life.

It didn't matter that at fifteen I was ripped off from my innocence, my dignity, and my very soul was shattered into million pieces.

It didn't matter that she was my mother and was supposed to protect me.

All that mattered was how much money I could bring her.

That's all it came down to.

_Fucking money._

I stared at the screen, feeling myself float above my body as I watched myself get fucked over and over again. My submissive posture, my pleas for mercy, and my unwanted moans of pleasure filled the room as her eyes flickered from the screen, back to the many tapes before her, and back to her calculator.

That's all I ever was to her.

A fucking piggybank.

A source of money.

A piece of ass that brings in the big bucks.

"What is this?" I asked, my voice strange to me. It was foggy and felt as if I was under water. She yelped and turned around, her eyes wide with fear that soon turned to anger and contempt.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Isabella?" he ever ugly face sneered at me.

"I said what the fuck is this?' I asked again, feeling myself shake all over. She smirked.

"I'm watching your videos sweetie. Who knew you could be a number one wanted whore. Many people ask for your videos. I must say you're quite the practiced slut." She said with glee, her eyes wide and insane as she taunted me.

_I felt sick to my stomach._

"You taped me?" I asked in shock, horror, anger—whatever it was. I was mortified into silence by what she did. By what I was seeing. It wasn't enough that at the tender age of fifteen I was ripped from my innocence by her, it wasn't enough that I was to do whatever was asked of me from the heights bidder, and it was never enough how much money I brought her.

_She had to fucking tape me getting fucked and get money from it?_

"You bitch." I groaned, fisting my hair in my hands and clenching my eyes shut. Everything came crashing down on me then.

The night she drove us to Seattle.

The way she dragged me into the shady motel.

Her real monstrous face showing and her throwing me to the wolves.

The time my virginity was taken from me against my will.

The threesome as my first sexual experience, which turned from a gentle treatment to the sweet virgin to the rough domination of the new whore.

Every unwilling orgasm. Every searing slap, smack, and cane across my skin.

Every man and woman who took my body and peeled my dignity and spirit layer by layer until there was nothing left in me.

_Forced on my knees._

_Lain on my back._

_On all fours._

_Even fucking gagged and tied to a St. Andrews cross._

All those memories came at me in one rush and I lost it.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" I howled, launching myself at her and tumbling us to the floor. Her scream of shock and fear echoed around the room as I straddled her and started delivering a punch after punch. She kept wailing as my fists connected with her ugly face. My bloody hands feeling invincible as I landed a blow after blow.

_"Suck me harder you bitch!"_

_"On your hands and knees, whore!"_

_"Your ass is the tightest I've ever fucked, slut!"_

_"You worthless cunt!"_

_"You're my slave tonight, bitch!"_

_"You look so good you whore, with a dick in your mouth, another in your pussy, and another in your ass!"_

All the hell I've been through. All the times my body was violated came at the forefront of my mind as I kept beating her. None of this would've happened if it weren't for her.

She was supposed to nurture me.

She was supposed to protect me.

And above all, she was supposed to love me.

_"You're just tits and ass to Isabella. Your body is the only thing you're good for. You bring me lots of money by getting the shit fucked out of you, and that's all that matters to me. You're only worth a good fuck." She would cackle._

"ARGHHH!" I screamed, as I tried searching for something in front of me to finish her off with but I wasn't fast enough, or my vision was still fogged with the red haze because the next thing I knew, I was on my side groaning in pain when the marble ashtray hit me in the head.

"You slut. That's how you repay me for sparing your life? I should've killed you when you were born, or fucking aborted you, you worthless cunt." She gasped, crawling away from me toward the kitchen. I was still on the floor, my palm wet with blood from the gash in my head and my fists covered in her own blood.

_I can't stop now. I have to finish her off._

_Kill. Or be killed._

Slowly, I forced myself to get up and walked toward the kitchen. I found her holding a bloody towel filled with ice over her face and felt a sickening satisfaction from the sight of her mingled face.

"Think you can just get rid of me, huh? Dream on little girl. I own you, and you'll do what I say even if it kills you." She hissed.

"No more, Renee. I'm not gonna be your lapdog anymore. Even if I kill you."

"Oh yeah? Think you have it in you? You can't even kill a fucking fly." She taunted.

"If it come down to it Renee; if it was either you or me, I'll choose my own life. I'll fucking kill you if I have to."

She ran as quickly as she could and slammed her body to mine, tumbling both of us to the floor. I heard the clinking of metal as cutlery fell with us from the counter and on the floor with us. This time, she straddled me and wrapped her hands around my neck. The more she pressed her hands around my neck, the more I chocked until I started seeing starts and black dots.

"It's gonna be me, little girl. If it comes down to who lives, it's gonna be me." She growled, adding pressure on my throat.

_No way. I thought._ She ruined my life, I wasn't going to let her take it away. I searched with my hand for something, anything to hit her with and my hand came in contact with a kitchen knife.

_Kill, or be killed._

Quickly, I grabbed the knife and stabbed her in the stomach. She cried out in pain making me press the knife deeper, even twisting it. She fell from above me on her back and started crying. I climbed on top of her and landed a stab after stab.

I was a woman possessed. I had to kill her, even if I was going to jail or executed for it. She was a wicked evil, a source of misery and pain for those around her and I'll be damned if I let her walk freely on this earth.

The blood splattered from her on the floor and on me, her face frozen in a shocked fear as I kept stabbing her.

I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't get enough of the sight of her mangled body.

I just couldn't get enough.

After what felt like an eternity, I stopped.

I lost the will to move. The will to fight. I just lost my will.

I dropped the knife and crawled toward the living room, the screen still illuminated by the evidence of my demise. Strangely, I stood there and stared at the scenes before me.

I didn't feel anger any more.

Didn't feel disgust or shame.

Didn't feel hatered.

I didn't feel anything.

I felt nothing. Empty. Numb. Out of my body.

That's when I collapsed and surrendered to the darkness.

_"Oh my God! Call an ambulance!" _Someone yelled. I felt someone shaking me but I was still out of it. The shaking was making woozier than I already was and I wanted to smack whoever was pulling me from my resting sleep.

_"Belly-Bean. Baby open your eyes. Sweetheart please. Look at me." _Belly-Bean? Only one person called me Belly-Bean.

_It was Charlie._

Fuck. Charlie. That must have been him.

Slowly, my fogged up mind started to see what was happening and gradually, I opened my eyes to see the weeping face of my father looming over me.

"Oh thank God. She's awake. Get someone here, fast." He cried, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he cradled my head in his lap.

"D—daddy?" I whimpered, tears of my own falling down the side of my face.

"Oh baby-girl, thank God you're okay. I'm so sorry Bella. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm so sorry for ignoring the signs. I failed you baby-girl. I'm so fucking sorry." He sobbed, cradling me to his chest and kissing my forehead.

"It's okay daddy. You didn't know. I couldn't tell you. She—she was gonna kill me. I had to survive. I had to end it. I'm sorry da—daddy." I cried along with him, feeling my mind closing off and my eyes falling shut.

"No stay with me. Stay awake, don't sleep baby. Belly-Bean please. Bella. _Bella!_"

Once again, I surrendered to the wonderful darkness of oblivion.

_**~Three weeks later~**_

"We are the people of the jury; find the defendant not guilty of the murder of Renee Dawyer-Swan. However, we strictly advice for intense psychological therapy for the defendant as the circumstances she's been subjected to are enough to drive the sanest of people mad. We also recommend an obligatory stay at a psychiatric hospital to ensure the safety of her mind. Thank you." The juror said.

"I approve of the verdict. Miss Isabella Swan, would you please stand up?" the judge, a man in his early, maybe mid-fifties said in a soft voice. Slowly, I stood up feeling my palms sweaty and my breathing shallow. My legs were shaking so hard I was afraid I'd fall.

"What you've witnessed and went through is the worst ordeal anyone could endure. A mother is supposed to love, care, and nurture her child like no other; but sometimes we finds anomaly cases when mothers or fathers turn into the most vicious monster and give their children a pain the outside world would never imply on them." He went on, his eyes becoming a little glassy and I gave a faint smile.

Even this strange man feels for me more than she ever did.

"None of us here could understand what you're feeling now, or what you've been feeling in the past but I speak for everyone when I say that we apologize on behave of your so-called mother and our hearts are with you. You will spend some extensive timing in therapy and will help to connect with the community. There is a psychiatric facility in Port Angeles that deals with therapy cases like you and they came with great results. I sure hope it's enough for your recovery and that you don't need any other harsh ways of treatment. Isabella Swan, you are free to go. Court is adjourned."

"Don't fucking touch me." I yelled, holding a scalpel in front of me as the big-ass nurse tried giving me a sedative. I was so focused on him I didn't see the other two male nurses coming from behind. They wrapped their arms around me, restraining me as I struggled. I let out a gut-wrenching howl as I thrashed around in their arms.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME! DON'T TOUCH ME! GET OFF! NO! NO!" I kept screaming until one of them slammed me in the bed and the other gave me the sedative.

"I'm sorry." Each on of them whispered as they wheeled me to the solitary.

I woke up to being strapped in a straight jacket and my agonized screams echoing around the room.

It was settled in court that I be transferred to Seattle's Psychiatric facility for more intense help.

Clearly I was so far gone I tried to off myself without even realizing it.

Wanna know how?

_In my fucking sleep. _

Yeah. That's how fucked up I am.

_**~Two years later~**_

"What was the first thing that came to mind when you saw that man Bella?" Aro, my therapist for the past year asked as he stared at me. If you're wondering how I spent my first year in this hospital I'd answer you with this;

_Screaming my heart out, attacking doctors and nurses, and feeling such despair I tried to kill myself more than once. _

_Or, I would just sit there like a fucking vegetable. Doing nothing. Saying nothing._

_I was a fucking living corpse._

Until, a year later a British hotshot shrink came to the states and got interested in my case.

Enter Aro Volturi. Shrink Extraordinaire.

At first glance, he would appear intimidating and harsh, but to me he wasn't. In fact, he looked like the fucking Easter Bunny compared to Renee, or some of the sick-fucks I've been with.

"That I was fucking dead." I shrugged, staring at my hands as I folded them on my lap.

"Why?" he asked again. I sighed.

"Jeez, I donno. Maybe because I was fucking sixteen years old and it was the first time I was ever introduced to BDSM sex, even if it was soft-core with him. It still fucking hurt" i glared, feeling rage and deep-rooted hatred for that night.

"Go on." He implored. I sighed, stared at the window and recalled the worst night of my life.

_**~Flashback~**_

_Renee dropped me off at the apartment, not trusting me with the job. I tried running a few times and the punishment I got was for me to get raped by the pimps of the Seattle's worst whore-houses. Needless to say, I learned my lesson._

_"Now you listen to me; you do exactly what they ask you to. No talking back. No interrupting their commands, and no whining. If they say act like you're enjoying it don't act, enjoy it for real. They're the biggest money yet and I won't have you waste that."_

_I was about to tell her off when the front door was thrown open and the biggest motherfucker appeared._

_I swallowed thickly._

_"Renee, always a pleasure seeing you." The big guy welcomed, ushering us inside. If he wasn't such a big scary man, and if I wasn't walking inside like a sheep to the slaughterhouse, I might have actually liked him. He had this handsome face with assuring expressions._

_At least Renee didn't hook me up with pigs._

_"Garret, this is Isabella, my daughter." His eyebrows shot up to his hairline at the word 'daughter'. Maybe he'll take pity on me and let Renee take me back._

_"Is she now? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree eh? I like it." He smirked._

_So much for sending me away._

_"She's a good fuck, I guarantee." Renee cooed, caressing my cheek. I wanted to bite her fingers off._

_"We'll see about that. Here's half the money. The rest will be given to you tomorrow via check as always." Garret smiled, giving Renee a wad of cash to which her eyes glazed over and shined. I gave her a disgusted look as she walked toward the front door, opened it, walked out and closed it behind her._

_"Fucking bitch." I hissed under my breath, but apparently my voice wasn't that low._

_"What was that my sweet?" Garret said, his voice quite and gentle. Maybe this time I'll be treated a little better than a good-for-nothing whore as Renee always called me._

_"Nothing. Just venting I guess." I muttered. He gently, but firmly grabbed my chin and forced me to look him in the eyes._

_"Tell me my sweet. Don't you want to be here?" he asked, an edge to his voice._

_Play cool, Bella. I opened my mouth to say what I should when he interrupted me._

_"I want the truth now my sweet and the truth only. Do you want to be here?"_

_My resolve failed me._

_"No. I don't." I felt tears burn my eyes as he stared at me._

_"And why is that?" he crooned. I took a shuddering breath._

_"I'm only sixteen years old and that bitch whored me out a year ago. I don't want this. I don't deserve this." I swallowed a sob. His hands came to my upper arms and gently yet firmly squeezed._

_"But you're a beauty my sweet, and you're so young. My type exactly." He pouted._

_That did it._

_"Please, let me go. I won't tell anyone about you I swear. I'll forget I ever saw you, just please let me go." I cried, my vision becoming blurry with tears. He took me into his arms and rocked me, shushing me and caressing my hair._

_After a while, I calmed down and stopped crying._

_"I can't let you go my sweet. I'm sorry, I just can't. I won't. Besides, it's not just me here tonight. My friend Marcus, well, he's a little rough and if I'm being honest with you you're lucky I'm here tonight because when he gets rough, you'll need me to soften the blow."_

_"So, there's no chance for me is there?" I asked, my resolve set and my spirit shattered._

_"I'm afraid not my sweet. There's no chance." He kissed my forehead and pulled my head back so that he could look at my face. I sighed._

_"Okay. Could you please show me the bathroom?"_

_"Harder you bitch. Suck his cock harder." Marcus growled, leaning behind me and sneaking his right hand to the front, rubbing my clit roughly. His left hand was wrapped around my hair like a leash and tugging as he slammed harshly into me from behind. I looked up at Garret with tears in my eyes and I saw a flicker of sadness and pity before it quickly turned to indifference._

_He was clearly enjoying my mouth, but it was also obvious he didn't want Marcus with us. I groaned as I felt Marcus tug roughly on the chain connecting the nipple clamps as he drove into me harder and harder._

_"You there yet, bro?" Marcus asked Garret. Garret hummed and hissed through clenched teeth. Marcus gave the chain one more tug and then went back to rubbing my clit._

_"Suck his balls, cunt. Make him cum" He snarled, pulling my hair hard. I moved my mouth to Garret's balls, sucking and liking as much as I could. We've been going at it for almost two hours and I'm on the verge of passing out._

_"Almost there. Take my cock in your mouth again my sweet." Garret ordered. I did as told._

_Few thrusts from both of them and they came, one in my mouth and the other in my pussy._

_"Swallow everything he gives you." Marcus hissed, thrusting a few times after climaxing while still gripping my hair. Again, I did as told._

_But I wasn't good enough because he craned me fifteen times on my ass and thighs because I didn't moan like the whore that I was. I felt as if my ass was on fire._

_"Now slut, go to the cross and assume position." He barked._

_Did I mention that he refused to get me off?_

_After being gagged, bound, flogged and caned within an inch of my life he finally stopped._

_"Go get cleaned up whore, because we'll have another guest with us tonight."_

_I nearly screamed in agony._

_Another man?_

_God, I hope I die and be rid of all of this misery and degradation._

_Imagine my surprised when I find out the guest to be Marcus' girlfriend._

_Next thing I know, I'm on my hands and knees with Garret fucking my pussy, Marcus fucking my ass; at least he applied lube, and his girlfriend Jane on her back with her hands fisted in my hair pulling my face roughly to her pussy._

_Then after that there was play, and the worst was the asphyxiation play._

_Jane was under me, eating my pussy as if it were her last meal, Garret was in front of me, sucking and licking my nipples, and fucking Marcus was behind me; alternating between my pussy and my ass, all the while his paw was wrapped around my neck squeezing every now and then until I couldn't breath and then he'd let go only to repeat it again._

_He always ordered me to moan, groan, and scream as loud as I could otherwise I wouldn't be a good whoring slut._

_The sensation on Jane eating me, Garret licking me, and Marcus fucking me was just too much. I might have hated what was happening, but I couldn't control my body. Even if I could, I would be punished for it._

_So I let go._

_I came with the loudest moans and screams I could muster I actually kept cumming and cumming until I felt as if my body drained from all its liquids._

_And then I passed out._

_**~End of Flashback~**_

"Bella. Can you hear me? Bella." Aro's voice was far away but gradually started to reach me.

"Huh? What, I zoned out again?" I asked. He nodded with a gentle look on his face.

"Just remembering. Fucking Marcus fucked me within an inch of my life, degraded me, punished me, and when he was done he kissed me and told me what a good girl I was. A little of this tenderness would've been good during. Fucking asshole."

"Remember, he's in jail now. You're not the only one who's been victimized by him."

"Yeah. The funny thing is that when he took the stand his only response as to why he was this way with other girls or women would be that he can't control himself when he sees a pretty naked woman. Fucking dick. As much sadness and pain as I feel for his latest victim, I'm happy his last crime was full-on rape and murder. At least he's off the streets now, for good." I concluded.

"Sometimes good things comes as a result of bad things." Aro stated, and I knew his train of thoughts.

"Don't even go there. Nothing good ever came to me from what happened."

"Maybe it will. Someday, something wonderful will happen in your life." He smiled gently.

"Don't hold your breath. Or wait, please do." He grinned.

"Alright. We're done for today. Now remember, just because you're going home tomorrow, doesn't mean I won't be seeing you once a week. As much progress as you've made, you still have a long way to go. Regarding your look on the future."

"You shouldn't bother. It's as bleak as death." I insisted. He shrugged.

"We'll see. After all, I was the only shrink that got through to you, right?" he winked.

"Asshole." I flipped him off and then walked out of his office and back to my room to finish packing my things.

Tomorrow; twenty-four hours from now I'll be back home. Well, back to the new house Charlie bought on the Rez. It was impossible for me to go back to the old house again.

Not even if my life depended on it.

"God Bells, I've missed you so much baby-girl." Charlie's voice was strained as he crushed me to his chest. He probably was the only person I allowed to touch me, other than Aro.

"I'm fine Charlie. And I'm coming back home with you." I said, my voice muffled from his crushing hold.

"I'm glad baby-girl. You have no idea." He whispered. I squirmed.

"Uh, dad—can't breath." I let out a muffled giggle. He laughed and pulled back but still held me at arms length. He took a good look at my face and frowned.

"How have you been sleeping baby-girl?" he asked. I sighed.

"Not much really. Nightmares and all."

"Humm, okay. Let's get your bags and off to the Rez."

"By the way, how's that job coming?" I asked as we drove through Seattle.

"Pretty good. You start in two weeks. Is that good for you Bells?" he asked, his face laced with worry. I smiled, reaching out and squeezing his hand on the wheel.

"It's perfect Charlie—thanks. It's the Whitlock's thrift, right?"

"Yeah. But I gotta warn you, there are some people missing you like crazy." He said with a grin. I laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, I know. Jasper and Peter must be going out of their minds by now. It's been a almost two years since I've seen them last, with visitation being only family members and all. I'm telling you Jasper and Peter don't do phone calls or letters."

"Well, you'll see them soon enough anyhow."

"Aha."

We fell in a comfortable silence.

A few minutes away from the Rez, Charlie looked at me with such love, such worry it crippled me. He held my hand and squeezed it and I watched with a broken heart as a tear slid down his cheek.

"I've missed you so much Belly-Bean. I'm so sorry I failed you."

"Stop, dad. You didn't fail me. No one could've known. I didn't know until—well, until I knew. Let's just forget about this. About her. About what happened; okay?" I begged, not wanting Renee mentioned anywhere outside of therapy.

Charlie seemed to understand and nodded, squeezing my hand one more time and kept driving to our new house.

The house he built with Jacob and his father Billy, alongside the Rez boys and a few of Charlie's deputies.

I hope in time, it turns from just a new house into a home.

A home filled with love and empty of hate and betrayal.

A home filled with safety.

Just home.

_**Whew, what a chapter. What a start. It's rough, huh? Well, I've been buying rough novels these past few weeks. Angsty books and all and they're rubbing off on me. So, what do you guys think. Love it? Hate it? Let me know. C U Soon.**_

_**Ciao.**_


	2. Chapter One

_**Hey guys. I'm so glad you liked my new story and even happier with the increased alerts I get from you.**_

_**I'm so sorry for the late update—school's been kicking my ass and I've been super busy.**_

_**I've contributed to a Halloween-countdown with a one shot. Go check Breath-of-twilight's FF profile. Remove spaces and brackets.**_

_**Breath-of-twilight FF: **__**http (:) u/ 1795233/**_

_**Countdown to 2014 - Fact or Fiction**__**:**_

_**http (:) s/9731139/1/Countdown–to–2014–Fact–or-Fiction**_

_**My story is called Precious—it's the one shot number 3 with my same penname…**_

_**Hope you read and like.**_

_**Now, on with the chapter.  
**_

_**Fall and Rise**_

_**Chapter One**_

_**Chapter Song: Simple Plan – Welcome to my Life**_

_**~Bella~**_

_**Two months later.**_

_July, 4__th__, 2013_

_It's been two months since my release from the psych hospital. Two months since I went back home with Charlie. Everything seems and feels the same, yet somehow different. Maybe because our old house was no longer ours and that it was standing in its place, alone and filled with horrid memories. Charlie told me that he tried to sell the house, but no one took it. Whoever would go and take a look at IT would initially like it, but they'd run for the hills when they hear of the morbid story of the house._

_Even in death, __she__ managed to ruin everything._

_Including me._

_**~###~**_

"Bells, you there?" Charlie shouts from the house.

"Be right there." I shout back and finish getting dressed. The best thing about the new house is that I had the garage as my own bedroom. The main house only had one room which of course belongs to Charlie. His welcome home gift for me was for my bedroom to be further from the house. It felt as if I had my own place to live.

It was neat.

I loved it.

And I loved Charlie more.

I zipped my jeans, dressed in my leather jacket, heeled biker boots and grabbed my purse. I double-checked my belongings in it; a book, my cell phone, wallet, keys, pack of gum, and lip palm. I take a final look at myself in the mirror and nod in approval.

I walk back to the house, go up the porch stairs and enter.

"Knock, knock." I say aloud and walk straight to the kitchen.

"Morning Bells." Charlie smiles, a mug of coffee in his hands as he sat on the kitchen table.

The seat to his left is occupied.

I freeze.

There, sitting beside Charlie dressed in an officer's getup is a handsome man; around mid-twenties. His hair a massive chaos of dark brown and bronze, his nose straight and sharp, his jaw line wide and strong, lips full and dark pink and sharp blue eyes.

I chanced a look at his hands and found him holding another mug of coffee. His hands were big, soft looking yet strong, and his fingers were long and lean.

And he was sitting in my father's kitchen.

_Invading my space. The fuck?_

I was having a few words with Charlie later, that's for fucking sure.

Charlie noticed my frozen state and my obviously stiff demeanor that he made a mistake.

_Ya think?_

"Uh Bells, this is Deputy Edward Cullen; he just moved here with his family from Chicago. Edward, this—this is my daughter; Bella." Charlie's introduction was forced and I gave him a sideway glare, telling him to watch his back for later.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella." Deputy Edward stood up and extended his hand to me. I don't know whether it was the somewhat fast move of his body or because I was unsuspecting but I recoiled from him.

_Fucking hell. It's Charlie's fault._

Deputy Edward lowers his hand but his blue eyes are staring at me intensely. I don't like it. I don't like when people—_men _stare at me, and I don't like it when a newly moved stranger stares at me in my fucking kitchen.

I'll have to fucking sterilize it after finishing work. Who knows where he's been?

_Probably someone just like you. _My sordid thoughts remarked.

"Uh—Deputy Edward starting today. I asked him to accompany me to the station to show him the ropes so to speak."

"Uha. And why would a hot shot cop from Chicago move to ass-crack nowhere?"

_Did I just ask that? Why am I speaking to him?_

"Change of place. My family and I needed a change." He answered, his eyes watching me as I grabbed an apple and a water bottle from the fridge. I nodded, looking at my wristwatch.

"Well, I'm gonna be late for work. Nice seeing you Deputy. Later Charlie." I glared at Charlie and then ran out of the house as if my ass was on fire.

The thrift-way is fifteen minutes away from the Rez. It's the main store for the people of Forks and the Rez and I always walked to it. I marched on the way, my head filled with buzzing thoughts. _He was in my house. My fucking house._

I'm okay with other men being around me in public. I'm sketchy paranoid don't get me wrong, but in public I can feel safer. If a guy gets too close I could run away or scream my lungs out for help or even grab something (let's say an iron pole) and hit him with it.

_But not in my house._

It's the one place where my space holds the utmost amount. I always felt scared in my own home in the past, and I'll be damned if I let it happen again.

I reached the thrift-way and entered from the backdoor, going straight for the bathroom. I checked the stalls and after making sure they were all empty I locked the bathroom door. I started pacing back and forth, clenching and unclenching my hands and gritting my teeth. When I was first put in psych lock-up I used to have suffocating panic attacks that made me literally unable to breath. Now, with patience, practice, and Aro's help I only got speedy breathing and a fast-paced heart pumping; alongside the cold shaky hands and rigid muscles. I stopped in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection; I was pale as a ghost with thin dark brown hair (due to falling off over emotional stress and nervous breakdowns), my eyes were wide and green and filled with panic, pain, and longing; for what, I didn't know.

I sighed, closed my tormented eyes and took a deep breath. I started counting and when I felt calm enough I stopped, opened my eyes and nodded at myself in the mirror.

"Jesus, get a fucking grip." I muttered, grabbing my purse and unlocking the door. I stepped outside and went to the staff's office. It was a little early for the other staff to arrive but I always loved being the first and last one to leave. It was always nice working when the clients were slim to none. The quiet always helped me.

"Morning Bells. You're a little late today." My best-friend Jasper remarked, sitting in a chair with a mug of coffee in one hand with his blackberry in the other. I sighed.

"Got held-up. No biggie." I took off my jacket and hung it on the clothes peg, along with my purse. I went to grab a cup of coffee when I caught Jasper's eyes staring at me.

"You okay? You look a little shaky." He frowned, his body already starting to stand up and come to check me up. I stopped him with a sign of my hand, shaking my head.

"I'm fine. Just met with a new deputy of Charlie's—in—our house." I clarified.

Jasper cursed.

"Damn it; Charlie knows better." He tightened his hand on his mug, his teeth grinding and his frown deepening. I sighed again.

"It's fine Jazz. Really, I'm okay—just taken off guard is all. And I made sure Charlie knew we'd be having a few words about it."

"Damn right. He fucking knows better." He growled, standing up with the mug and going to the sink. He dumped the rest of his coffee and slams the mug hard on the marble counter. He takes hold of the sink edge with both hands and squeezes, his shoulders stiff and his head bowed. I groan internally.

But I understand why he's being this way. He thinks it's his fault. That he should've seen the signs. That I was always sketchy and jumpy and acted strangely—even around him.

But he couldn't have known.

He couldn't have known that I was hooked on drugs in order to be lenient and submissive.

He couldn't have known that my so called mother pimped me out for money.

He just couldn't have known. No one could have.

Not even my father.

"Jasper." I whisper, my hands going to his upper shoulders. He tenses and then relaxes.

"I'm sorry Bella. I just can't help it. I was your best-friend. I was supposed to know when you were in time of need and distress. I—I fucking loved you and still turned a blind eye or simply missed the signs. Fuck, I'm such a fuckup."

I grabbed his arms and slowly turned him around so that he was facing me. I took hold of his face and stared deeply into his hazel eyes.

"Listen to me Jasper Whitlock and listen well; it was never _your _fault, and it was never _mine_—it's always been that _bitch's _fault. She's the one who abandoned me, she's the one who sold me out, she's the one who hooked me on drugs, and she's the one who fucking pimped me out—not you, not anyone else. She's the one at fault here, no one else."

Aro would be fucking gleeful if he heard me talk that way.

"Still, I should've known. The symptoms were all too obvious." He looked down, shamefully. I was having none of that.

"I was very good at keeping my secrets. With my lucid mind from drugs and her attempt on my life and unleashing those dogs on me, there was no way I could've talked. My life was hell, but I still wanted to live. I knew if I told anyone she'd have killed me. Remember the time when I stayed home for a week when I was sixteen?" I asked, knowing he'd flip when I told him. Only Aro and Charlie knew about this. He nodded.

"Well, she stabbed me with a knife. A fucking knife. Then she called one of her clients—_my _clients who was a doctor and told him to patch me up. He was one of the nice guys but was too scared for his reputation—so he kept his mouth shut, attended to my wounds, and left. That was her way of telling me not to fuck around with her. That's why I couldn't tell—but after seeing that she made home movies out of my misery and torment—I lost it. It was the only time my life meant nothing to me. All that mattered was her—_dying_."

His eyes were swimming with tears as he slowly and carefully wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight to his chest. I felt his tall frame shake with silent sobs as I ran my fingers through his honey-colored hair.

"It's okay. I'm fine now—I promise. I still have my moments, but I'm okay." I soothed.

He pulled back, angrily wiped the tears off his face and shook his head.

"No you're not. I know you. You don't have panic attacks or breakdowns now, but you suppress your feelings, and you refuse to let people get close to you—with good reason but still; your only friends are me and Peter, Charlie is a given since he's your dad—fuck, you don't even hang around Billy and Jacob like you did before—all of this. You're shutting yourself out from everyone and anyone who tries to get close to you—man or woman makes no difference."

"You forgot, I've had my share of female sexapades. Every man's dream." I attempted at humor. He frowned.

"That's not funny." He sniffled, glaring. I shrugged.

"It is what it is. It all happened and I can't change any of it. And the more people I put at arms length, the safer I am."

He said nothing. He knew I was right.

I guess.

"Anyway, enough with the heavy stuff. You know anything about the new family moving into town?" I asked, grabbed my cup of coffee and sat on the table. Jasper followed.

"Yeah. Some hotshot doctor named Cullen took the medical chief position at Forks General. Moved in with his family; not sure why someone would leave the city for this podunk named Forks." I arched a brow.

"Didn't you leave the city life for the podunk called Forks?" he rolled his eyes.

"My family needed me to work at the thriftway, besides I needed more free time to work on my book. I must admit the quiet does help me focus on writing." He smiled faintly.

"Besides, I've missed you and I'll be damned if I waste another second away from you."

I smiled back, reaching out and squeezing his hand in gratitude. Jasper, like Charlie was a _constant _in my life—he was one of the people holding me grounded. One of the good men.

_The best men._

Whoever he falls for will be a one damned lucky bitch.

**~OOOOO~**

"Bells, I need you at the cash register by the front door." Jasper said, coming toward me with a cart full of boxes to line up. I nodded, walking passed him and to the front door. I saw a few customers and gave them a small smile as I prepared to take their money.

"How are you doing Bella dear?" Mrs. Cope, the towns' gardener asked.

"I'm fine Mrs. Cope. Will that be all?" I asked, packing her things into two large bags and handing them to her. She shook her head, a smile on her face.

"That's all sweetie. Hope to see you at my flower shop soon." She said, for the hundredth time. And for the hundredth time I said; "Will do."

Her flower shop was my second favorite after the bookstore. I'd always go to her shop and loose myself in the aromas smell of roses and flowers. I stopped going when it all happened. I felt dirty standing beside all those pure and beautiful flowers and I just couldn't handle it.

Especially the white flowers.

Yeah, they made me see how filthy I was.

Till this day, I still can't enter her shop.

_At least I can pass by it now and smell the whiff of her petals._

_'It'll take time.' _Aro would say.

The next few customers needed small and simple purchases and it took me no time to finish with them.

And now, to the last customer.

She was a girl, about 5'1 at most with green eyes and a shoulder length hair with spiked ends. Her hair was black, with colored strands; blue, pink, and red. On another girl it would've looked weird and ugly, but on her it was beautiful—almost artistic.

"Hi. How are you?" her bell-like voice was loud but not annoying. She kind of reminded me of those cute cartoonish characters that had the voice of a baby, but not quite.

And I'm a weirdo.

"I'm good. Well, those are a lot of things to buy for a littlie like you." I asked, eying the massive portion of boxes, cans, and all the wrapped goodies she had.

"That's not just for me, it's for my family. We've just moved figured to start grocery shopping asap. I have a car with me to help with all those bags though, that and my big bear of a brother." She giggled, her white teeth shining in the light. I found myself smiling a little at her and it was out of norm for me. I was always cordial with customers—not even smiling to their bad jokes and here I was grinning at the little Tinkerbelle before me.

Then it hit me.

Just moved in?

_Fuck me, she's a Cullen._

Ain't life grand?

_'Don't be rude to the girl Bella. It's not her fault her brother sets you on edge.' _I thought.

"Well, here you go." I was about to bag her things when a huge man came up to her and ruffled her hair. I froze, staring at him—or rather his massive muscles as he handed her his things.

_Fuck, he looked like Alec—fucking Alec._

His body did, not his face though; but still.

"Hey, you okay?" Tinkerbelle asked, her face laced with worry as I stared at her brother's body. It was an exact replica of Alec's and I clenched my eyes shut, balled my hands into tight fists and gritted my teeth.

_'Count with me, Bella.' _Aro's voice rang in my head and I counted. It was one of his many methods of helping me with my panic or anxiety attacks.

_They always appeared when the worst memories came forward._

"Uh—excuse me Miss, you doing okay?" a strange male yet calming voice asked. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw _big guy _looking at me with concern. His baby blue eyes filled with worry as I stared at him.

_Focus on his face Bella—not the body._

"Yeah—ah, yes I'm good. Sorry." I muttered, bagging their things and handing it to them. He gave me a wide grin, showing dimpled cheeks and a babyish face.

It instantly put me at ease.

_Amazing how contradictive my reactions to his body and face._

_'He's not fucking Alec, Bella. He's dead and buried. Get a grip.' _My mind was lashing at me and I made a mental note to call Aro.

"It's all good. Gave us quit a scare here." He winked and I smiled, marveling at the serenity of his face.

"That'll be two-hundred-dollars." I said, giving them the bags and receipt. Big guy paid while his little sister stared at me with wide shiny eyes—she seems as if in some kind of trance for a few seconds and then a wide grin plastered across her face.

"We're gonna be best friends—I know it." She said out of the blue.

"…Okay?" was my answer. Big guy gave a loud laugh that strangely didn't freak me.

It was contagious actually.

"Don't mind my little sis, she's always like that." He winked and I gave a little smile.

"I'm Alice and this is my big teddy bear of a brother Emmett; we'll be seeing you soon." Alice grinned, reached out and touched my hand. She squeezed gently and then grabbed a few bags and left. Emmett gave another grin, took the rest of the bags and then left.

_And that wasn't weird at all._

**~OOOO~**

After finishing work I said goodbye to Jasper who insisted on driving me home but I declined. I was walking back home when my cell chirped with an incoming text.

A grin spread across my face when I saw the text.

**From: UDub university**

**To: Isabella Swan**

**Subject: Online Courses**

Dear Ms. Swan,

We have sent you an email with the new online courses you'll be receiving. If you have any requests or inquiries please contact us.

Regards.

**UDub University**

**Department of Romantic Studies and Creative Writing**

**Seattle, WA.**

I gave a loud squeal as I checked my other email. Courses and schedules were given to me to choose from. The first thing I did when I started getting better was thinking of my educational future. I always wanted to study writing, English Lit, and languages. My high-school grades weren't that good (due to obvious reasons) but I had good grades in English, Spanish, French, and Italian. Of course, those other languages were whipped clear from my head due to drugs and not studying them for two years—which meant I'd start once again from scratch. And since I had no scholarship, or a suspended one I was caught in a hard place.

That is, until Aro stepped in to help.

He and Charlie struck-up a semi-friendship and Charlie agreed that Aro would help me with my education. He put in a few good words to the Dean and told him of my situation (without the sordid details of course)—just that I was sick and was in the hospital for a while and that I was an old family friend of his.

Of course, the Dean approved immediately—since Aro was a well-respected doctor and his donations to the faculty was more than generous.

Which resulted in me taking online courses for the first few months and to visit the faculty once a week to see what's new (until I finally decided to attend full time at UDub)

Needless to say—I owe Aro—_a lot_.

And he doesn't even hear of it.

_'Just excel in school. That's all I ask of you Bella.'_

When I asked him once why he was being so generous with me when he didn't need to, his answer was gutting.

_**Flashback…**_

_"I had a little girl once Bella—Jane was her name and I've lost her to murder. Three men rapped and killed my little angel and ever since then I've been broken. You remind me of her. I don't see you as a charity case—only that you remind me of her purity and innocence. Both of you were dealt a cruel hand from the world, only fate gave you a second chance. I intend to help you make the best of it—kind of an honoring to my daughter and to you as well."_

_**End flashback…**_

So yeah—Aro in considered a second father to me.

I reached home and found Charlie's car gone. I went to the front door and unlocked it, entering and walking to the kitchen. I froze again as I spotted the chair where the new Deputy sat (I forgot his name). So he was Alice and Emmett's brother?

Strangely, I was okay with Alice and Emmett getting closer—somewhat; but the thought of their blue-eyed brother around me was irksome. I didn't want him anywhere near me, much less in my house.

I sighed, turned back around and went to my room-slash-studio apartment. I checked my laptop for the emails again and chose the schedules that suited me.

I took a quick shower and decided to read a little until Charlie got home.

About two hours into reading I heard Charlie's police cruiser pull into the driveway. I bookmarked the page I was reading and closed the book, put on my boots and went outside. Charlie was halfway toward my studio when I emerged. He gave me a small smile and an apprehensive look in his eyes—a sign he knew he was in trouble.

_He sure is._

"Hey Bells…how was your day?" he asked hesitantly. I gave a small smile and linked my arm through his. I felt him relax slightly and we walked toward the house.

"You know, the usual. People coming and going to buy stuff." We walked into the kitchen and I took out the casserole I made last night and set up the microwave to heat it.

"Good. Good." He said, removing his holster and hanging it on peg in the living room. He went back to the kitchen, took out a can of beer from the fridge, and sat on the table.

Minutes later, the casserole was warm enough to eat. I took it out, cut slices for me and Charlie and sat down on the table in front of him. I waited for him to eat a few bites before I spoke.

"Something else happened at work." I started. He looked at me in alarm and I smiled.

"Don't worry—nothing bad. I've met new people today."

"Yeah? Who?" he asked, shoving a bite into his mouth.

"Alice and Emmett Cullen." He chocked on his food, coughing a few times and then taking sips of water. I waited for him patiently to finish. He swallowed, taking a few deep breaths and then sighed, putting down his fork.

"Look Bella, I know I made a mistake when I brought Edward here—I realized it the second you laid eyes on him, but he's a good boy I promise you Bella. He's never gonna hurt you or anyone else—he's incapable of hurting people. Besides, he's my new Deputy and he works under me so—" he trailed off, twirling his mustache—a sign of nervousness.

"I don't care Charlie—" he winced, hating whenever I called him by his name. "This is our house, _my _house—the place I felt safest and most private. I won't let it be tarnished or unsafe for me like the old house." I pressed. He looked at me in sadness.

"I know Bella and I'm sorry. I won't invite him here again. But—" he stopped closing his eyes in pain. I stared at him in confusion.

"What? What's wrong?"

"It hurts me Bella, seeing you so scared over something nontrivial as a man visiting your father. I'll never forgive myself for letting it get this far."

I groaned.

"Oh come on, not you too." I rubbed my face roughly as he stared at me in surprise.

"Jasper has the same guilt over it and like I told him I'm telling you—_it's not your fault_."

"It's not yours either Bella." He chocked. I smiled faintly.

"I know—Aro says my acknowledgment of it is a step in the healing direction."

"Thank God for that—but you can't blame me for worrying and feeling guilt. I'm your father and I was supposed to protect you; but I couldn't. I couldn't."

I watched in horror as he put his head in his hands and started crying. His shoulders were shaking with silent sobs and I felt my eyes fill with tears. I got up, walked toward him, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I kissed the back of his head as I tightened my hold on him.

"It's okay Dad, I'm okay." I chocked, my voice shaking. He took a deep breath, sighed and wrapped his hands around mine.

"Not yet—but you will be. One day you will be okay and heal completely all this will be a bad distant memory. One day you'll find good friends, a good decent man who would love you beyond life and would make his world revolve around you. One day you'll make me a proud grandpa and you'll yell at me for spoiling the kid rotten." He chuckled and I smiled.

"I hope so daddy—I hope so."

I sent a silent prayer to God.

_Please God, save me—make his wishes and my dreams come true._

_Heal me._

**~OOOO~**

**So what do you think? Love it? Hope you do.**

**P.S: Did you guys see the new seasons of TVD, The Originals, and Dracula?**

**Can I say FUCKING AWESOME? The series are amazing and the characters are simply to die for (especially The Originals {Klaus and Elijah are fucking yummy} and Dracula {JRM is always a hotness}) and don't get me started on TVD Silas story—fucking crazy that one and Katherine's humanity and story and her finding her long lost daughter (Nadia Petrova)**

**-Book Recs:**

**-Lucy Christopher: Stolen**

**-Sylvain Reynard: Gabriel's Inferno and Rapture (Can't wait for Gabriel's Redemption; is it December already?)**

**-Tahereh Mafi: Shatter Me (I LOVE Warner)**

**-Jamie McGuire: Beautiful and Walking Disaster **

**See you next time (hopefully soon *smile)**


End file.
